Getting back on the horse

I have been busy. Which is a good thing as a freelancer. But...the downside is I haven't been promoting my licensing. That means no new deals.

I need to get back on the horse.

Today I finished a new piece and on Thursday I meet with a friend who is a genius marketing gal. I am hoping to rope her into the licensing scheme and see if together we can launch a new and improved 'design house'. I think that putting two people together may be more successful than one person (with a family) juggling freelance and licensing. Let's face it, it is hard enough being mom, then putting on the self-employed hat to scrounge up consistent work to pay bills, then work on promoting licensing art.

No more tomorrow. Today. I hereby promise to the universe that I will get my butt back in gear and keep pushing through on licensing my art. Even if I am busy with paying work....

success as an artist

Since I was 9 years old I knew I wanted to be an artist. I knew, I just knew. I didn't know how I would be an artist, or what I would do but I knew that is what I wanted.

I am 45. I feel like I have spent my lifetime striving for this thing I call success. I don't feel successful. I don't. My husband is my reality meter and he tells me I am flat out crazy. I do pay my bills through my creative skills and talents. However to me, it isn't enough. I have fabric with my art on it for sale nationwide in a major retailer, but in my head that isn't enough. I wonder, 'Why don't I have more than one print for sale?'. And this is it, this is that insatiable need for more. My measurement for success is always one step beyond where I am. So the question is, do I keep raising the bar on myself? When I started my freelance business I just wanted to work from home if I could. That was 8 years ago. Then three years ago I wanted to start licensing my artwork. Now I have art on switchplates, socks and fabric. But that isn't enough, now I want my artwork on MORE products, I want to see it in more stores.

I am an artist. But am I successful? I suppose it is all in how you define it.

crisis and continue

I don't really know where I am going with this post. I will start by saying I lost a dear friend last week, exactly a week from today. She was 47. She leaves her 13 yr old son and her husband behind. My heart has been heavy and my mind muddled for the last week. She was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer on Dec. 29th and we knew she had a slim chance if any for a long term survival. She left us quickly after a short 7 weeks.

Her passing has me thinking about many things in my own life. Reflecting on what I have, what I want, where am I going, what is important. Yet those moments of clarity seem to exist only briefly. Mostly I just feel lost, not sure of my own value. Questioning my own abilities and worth. Kind of weird, but that is where I find myself these days.

Do I start drawing? Do I try to paint? It seems what always came easily and with determination and grit, is misplaced right now.